We went to the park yesterday. We did the pep-talk, "When Mom say's lets go . . . you say?"
"OKAY!" I was sure it would be a good experience. I met a new friend. Her name was Monica and we had a lovely conversation about the church and family wherein she asked how I knew we wanted more kids (more than 2 which is how many she has) and I said that we prayed about it and knew that God had more for our family. I felt really good about our encounter and enjoyed having a heart-to-heart with this total stranger and then came leaving time. Upon announcing it was time to go (5 minutes after I gave the 5 minute warning) my darling Kindergarten Queen yelled "I don't wanna go with you!" and took off running, away from me and in the direction of the busy street. Every step I took toward her pushed her closer to the street. She couldn't hear me and was far enough I'm not sure she could read the "get in the car or die a slow painful death" look I was giving her. So I piled the other three in the van and waited. I could see her - she couldn't see me. I thought after a minute she'd come looking for us but instead she kept wandering closer and closer to the street. I was in a panic that my baby was in danger and tried to call Dad (yes, this is what I do when I don't know what mom should do . . . I call Dad). He was in class and didn't answer. About that time my new friend wandered over to Ksenya (who didn't run from this stranger like she had from her mother). She sent my darling daughter over to play with her daughter and then came and offered to stand by my car so I could go and talk to her. I was mortified, hurt and more than a little ticked off. I wandered over and told Ksenya how I was feeling and asked her if she would like to walk to the car or be carried. As she screamed "I don't want to go with you" and "Don't touch me" and "Let me go" at the top of her lungs I carried her to the van and deposited her in her seat, thanking my new friend and avoiding eye contact of all the other park people who I'm sure were considering calling CPS. I felt like crying for the rest of the night.
So many of us have believed the myth that "super-mom" exists and I'm afraid a few of you call her, "that dang Petersen woman" behind closed doors. This is just one of the many examples that proves this to be a huge mistake. She doesn't exist! And if she did she certainly wouldn't live with me! However, I've learned 2 things that make my Mommyhood much more blissful.
1) It's not part of Mom's job description to make her kids happy.
2) Guilt is unnecessary baggage and we don't have time for it.
I think we'll have to avoid the park for a few days - and I hope that my new friend doesn't catalog the picture of me carrying a kicking screaming Ksenya to the car in her dictionary next to the word Mormon! Although I'm sure she was thinking, "This woman should have stopped at 2" . . . I'm so glad I didn't!
10 comments:
Well just be thankful that she is only a kindergartener (sp?) and not a teenager. I have to do that to 16 yr olds some days at work. Ok well its not in the park and and the teenager is probably throwing her fit over something way stupid. I think you new freind probably knows all about tantrums and some times your kids just don't want to have anything to do with you. I think all mothers are super mom. Im hoping Pj skips all the tantrums (knowing full well that deffinately won't be the case hehehe)
Oh yes, eventually after doing the little pep talk to the kids, they will eventually get it. Sounds to me like you did a great job. My favorite thing to say to the kids, is "Did you say spank my bum, or did you say yes mom." Sometimes they do seem to need a little help in saying the correct answer. Chances are your friends kids have done something similar too :)
No offense, but that is so funny! Only because I have been there too, and I'm glad I'm not the only one!
I just looked through your other posts, and it looks like your days go about like mine. Good times!
Toni Dee! YOu are wonderful!! I'm so sorry Ksenya did that to you, but don't feel bad. You are a great mom and you two just need to keep working out the issues. Remember when Rob said, "I'm a work in progress"? We all are!!
Oh Toni, I don't know how you do it! I can't tell you how much I appreciate these posts that put a real life spin on your life. I learn a ton from you. Thank you for these kinds of posts.
Oh Toni, I don't know how you do it! I can't tell you how much I appreciate these posts that put a real life spin on your life. I learn a ton from you. Thank you for these kinds of posts.
I'm sure every mother has had that experience, if not, it's coming. I remember traveling somewhere just me and the kids and we stopped at a rest stop. Robert WOULD NOT get in the car! He climbed a tree and just sat there glaring at me. don't have a clue what brought that on. I tried rounding up all the other kids and driving slowly away, but he didn't budge. I got clear to the end of the on ramp and had to back up beleive it or not. I can't remember what I did after that, I probably pleaded and begged who knows. so don't feel bad. I still remember that experience though. It makes you feel pretty helpless and without authority. some kids just test the very limit.
Love you and by the way. You are one terrific mother.
Myrna
Toni--YOU ARE a SuperMom BECAUSE you cared enough not to give up--and that's all that matters! Your family is beautiful--keep up the good work even though some days you might feel like you're not getting anywhere! I love your honesty and believe me, I've had those exact kinds of days too where I feel like the gawking public is going to step in and label me an unfit momma:o)Don't you love the "Wow--so many kids! Are all those yours?" comments?!?:o)--Just keep moving, just keep trying--and one of those years Ksenya will realize how much her mommi loved her (it took me a while to figure that out too:o)
Motherhood is the most important job in the world--and we tend to easily forget how quickly the world would change into a peaceful one--within a few generations--if all mothers would care as much!
Love, Amb
I love that story. We all know those days.. and it is so so frustrating when they do it to you in public ;) I love you Toni, and you are a wonderful mother! Keep up the good work, and don't get discouraged.
That is so scary! I am glad that you took the time to meet the new friend--it sounds like it was an ispriational conversation with a win win end! I think sometimes the hardest kids turn out to be the best teenagers and adults, get it out of the way early! Still, I'm scared for my own story to come!
Post a Comment