Love & Logic Morning

Ksenya had an interesting morning today. I decided to try out a love and logic principle with her. It's been a total fight to get her ready for school in the mornings and I feel like all I do from the time she gets up until she leaves is nag her. So this morning I didn't and when she started throwing her fit during breakfast I just took hers away. When her carpool ride arrived I took her to the door (she's screaming) and said, "Ksenya's decided not to go to school today" and then I took her up to her room (remaining calm while she freaked out) and said, "Since you decided not to go to school you'll need to stay in your room until the normal time when I'd pick you up because Kabe and Ayvri and I have planned our day and we need to do what we planned . . . feel free to come down at lunch time and eat the lunch we packed for you". About 10 minutes later she calmed down enough to come down and we had this conversation,
"Mom I really want to go to school"
"That's great . . . how are you going to get there?"
"Well you could take me"
"Actually, our van only drives to school to pick you up, that's why you ride with Mr. Rudy in the mornings, but if you'd like to walk I guess we could walk with you when I finish my morning jobs".
"But I'm already late"
"Yes, but you're also not ready for school so you'll have plenty of time to get yourself ready before I have time to walk you"

At this point she loses it again and starts crying and I say, "Better take it to your room" and she runs upstairs screaming unpleasant things at me. About 3 minutes later I can hear her brushing her teeth, she comes down and puts on her shoes, finds her jacket, gets her backpack and comes and sits on the floor next to me (I was working out).

"Mom, I'm ready can we go now?"
"Well, I haven't finished my morning stuff yet, but when I'm done then I'll have time to walk you"
"Ok"

She sat there calmly and happily until I was ready, we got all the kids into the stroller/snugli and were on our way.

"Mom, my lunchbox is heavy, can I put it in the stroller?"
"Actually, I have to push the stroller, but that's not my lunch - it's your lunch so I guess you'd better carry it don't you think?"
"But mom it's HEAVY!"
"Yes, we packed a lot of yummy food in your lunchbox, but if you'd rather not carry it, you could leave it here and eat school lunch today."
"But school lunch is gross! OK, I'll pack it!"

I tried really hard not to get impatient or mad with her while we were walking and I did my best to resist the urge to drive home the lesson we were trying to teach (I tend to lecture).

"What will you tell Ms. Lunsford when she asks why you were late?"
"I could tell her it's cuz I didn't get breakfast"
"But that's not why you were late is it? Why did you miss breakfast?"
"Because I was being ornery"
"I wonder how she'll feel when you tell her that?"
"Probably sad - I hope I don't miss lunch, then I'll be really REALLY hungry!"
"I hope so too . . . it would be hard to concentrate on learning if you were really REALLY hungry huh?"

We got to the school without the kids fighting with each other (a miracle). We went into the office to sign in and she marched right over to the secretary's desk and told them her name.

"Why are you late sweetheart?"
"Because I was being ornery with Mom and making bad choices and I didn't even get to eat breakfast."
(at this point the secretary peeks over at me and I'm trying really hard not to laugh)
"Well did you eat breakfast?"
"Nope!"
"Well, I guess it's good that lunch is in an hour huh? You only have to be hungry until then. Thanks for being so honest" (I hope they don't call CPS on me for starving my child).

Then comes the best part of the whole thing! Ksenya comes over and gives me a huge hug and kiss, "Thanks for walking me to school mom!" She hugs Kabe and Ayvri and heads off to class smiling and happy. I didn't get mad, I didn't have to yell or scream and we didn't fight with each other. I guess we won't know how effective this lesson was until Monday when school time comes around again, but I'm very hopeful.

Some days I feel bad for Ksenya being our "live and learn" kid . . . I don't know what I'm doing and find myself praying 24/7 to know how to teach her to be a responsible human and still let her be a kid at the same time. I'm loving the "Love and Logic" parenting mold because it teaches consequences without all the fighting. I'll keep you posted on future attempts at implementing this.

**Disclaimer: I'm a yeller, I'm impatient, I'm a royal control-freak and I fight with my kids, but I love them more than anything and would do anything for them, including change. Some people think I'm a Nazi-Mom, but my kids thrive on structure and so do I, that's just how things work at our house, we're not perfect but hopefully we're improving.